I don't write here much

Somewhat successfully i've managed to compartmentalize more and more of my life to the point literally no one knows where I am at any one time unless I am with them. It's nice. It's hard.

What's really hard is being a sex worker. Without going into details, I work as one, and it's the most dynamic position i've ever been in. The money for time ratio is great, but the mental energy consumed is fantastic. I wish sometimes I had a normal job- sometime to eat up time and something I could only have to care about for a select few hours a day. Its also spoiled me- I have no concept of working for money any more and im sorry to lose that- i used to work 14 hours a day when i was a kid and paychecks were so treasured. Now getting anywhere from $200 to $2000 dollars at once whenever i work is so easy. I really shouldnt complain about that. I took the semester off to travel, and I have. I went out west, I went to central america, im going to an alternative adult camp, im going to asia, im going to vegas, I might go to europe- Can I really complain?

I think i just need a hobby. I read too quickly to just buy a book every time I'm bored- that would be 3+ books a week. I've definitely picked up a bad habit too, but im not going to write about that right now. If my life isnt where I want it to be in 2011, I will probably just join Peace Corps or the armed services. preferably the armed services; i would love to have a government issued assault rifle.

I'm finding more and more every day that life is duality. My job is a wonderful example of that.

Did you know one of realPlayer's visualizations is this awesome dancing sheep?

Also it's complete bullshit about the PirateBay ruling. Compete bullshit. Related: the DRM-free files on itunes cost more. Also bullshit. Bureaucrats don't understand yet you cant control digital media without supressing freedom of speech. Pirate on.

sick and grumpy

my head is pounding and my spine feels like a metastasizing tumor. every time i swallow I feel like i am going to through up. i have work tomorrow.
One, no
two, no
three times
at least
four and five are definite possibilities.
is it worth it?
Is it worth my back hurting?
is it worth the sleep loss?
is it worth....
the BIGGER headache?

Im complaining about being dizzy and disoriented and stuff. It really is helped by the fact i miss you. I feel like I didnt do enough for you last time around. I feel like I can do more. But right now, with my head pounding and my back hurting i can't.

I dropped the math minor. screw math. Its not that i think "screw math" its the whole "screw my school's math department" thing. I really do hate those sons of bitches. i can learn linear algebra in my own sweet time, I guess. Maybe, after this headache does away.

Fuck. I also have a doctors appointment tomorrow.
I'm not gonna do shit on tuesday. I am not going to do shit on wednesday. Thurday, I am getting hammered. I have a very special friend with a handle of some college-appropriate liquor and I have fresh mint, so we're doing shots and mojitos. I think I will buy an overpriced rum and a few limes
shit, I have to buy limes. where the fuck can I buy limes where I live? that's gonna be a 90 min + pursuit.
AND it's definitely, definitely time to go to a spa. Personal hygiene is slipping.

... but then I'll have spa, airplane tickets, camp, rum, rent, and other stuff to take care of...oh, and SCHOOL. Lucky me! Mother's day is coming up, too!
and I still have to get my student load in line
and i STILL have a ton of other shit to do

God
damn.

Spa- At least $80, probably more like 100
Airline- $250
Camp- $500
Rum and limes- $40
rent and god knows what else- god knows what

Sometimes, the sixteen hundred or so i can pull in within a few days really, really isnt shit.



I just want to go on vacation.