im not a princess and this isnt a fairy tale

sums it all up

I am manipulative, im paranoid, im jealous; i was honest and i wanted to be loved so bad. What do i have in my life? shitty family; shitty friends. distant friends. friends with ulterior motives. I just want someone to pour affection over and its just painful instead. I dont want to be drunk; i want to be fucked up. i feel so empty. I feel like my insides are being fileted.

What he did wasnt bad; its the dishonesty. Just a friend. Dont think of her that way. Why cant people at least afford me basic honesty? I can understand him feeling like his privacy was violated; can he understand he violated my basic trust? that he made me feel so worthless? How can he feel HALF as justified in his anger as i am in mine?

I feel cheap and used.

I feel so alone.

Maybe i deserve it. i wish i could say i dont care, but i care so so much.