Headaches

I've been reading a lot of kinky blogs lately and I can’t help but feel a tad inadequate. I don’t wind long strings of words into elegant and meaningful thoughts; I don’t really have insane stories to tell that will keep you on the edge of your computer chair. I suppose I should be sorry, if anyone is reading this.
One thing I know I am sorry about is the (at least temporary) loss of DXS's Rapture event. I love the irony; DC cops won't bother trying to solve a majority of murders, but god damn, if there might be an illegal party, they'd better bust it. I wonder how many pending drug deals they drove by on their way to bust up Rapture? Assholes. This is why I'm libertarian.
But tonight, at least, I'm a bit more colic than usual.
Maybe it was a tad myopic to think polygamous relations are the solution to all of my relationship problems. Passive observation in indicating the silly little notions of possession and apprehension I’m trying to crush in myself may be impossible to exterminate. I am at a stage in my life where I want to literally throw myself into one of the options I have, inhibitions be damned. I am sick of worrying about what could happen, what someone might think, where I should or shouldn't go, all of that stupid sophomoric crap. I want to just jump off the cliff and let him catch me. I want other people to push me off and cheer when I land in his arms, or pick me up if I fall on my face.
I read somewhere once that after having a limb amputated, many people report feeling that a ghost of the limb in still with them. Arm amputees report feeling muscles in their chest twitch when they imagine using their severed limb. After this weekend I have learned what it feels like to be an amputee; I have that dull sense of a missing, intangible limb; I have that twitching in my chest.

In the end, all I know is that I am going to wear his collar to bed, regardless of the significance.

In other news, we could talk about wave equations. I've been learning a lot about quarks lately; including a strange theory about why mass actually has mass, and what makes mass mass in the universe. I'd suggest the book "The God Particle." It's easy enough to read and less technical than wiki. Another science thing that has really been on my mind lately is role of lateral gene transfer in evolution, but I guess I should save something that long and boring for a time I don’t feel like kicking a grandmother in the face, just because.

Goodnight, small world. I'll be posting some great recipes soon, as well as a little bit about my work as a dominatrix, and my first photo shoot. Something to sink your little teeth into.